As a recovering slut I’ve acquired sexual knowledge that it takes most people a lifetime to obtain. Therefore my sexual urges no longer control me. As much as I’m attracted to you I’m still likely to turn down your sexual proposition. All sex isn’t good sex.
~ Outdoor Sex- Knowing that anyone can see you at any moment adds to the thrill but for the most part outdoor sex is a terrible idea. Especially when you end up with mosquito bites in places that can’t easily be scratched.
~ Half-Hearted Sex- This is when one of the parties doesn’t really want to do it but does it anyway. Believe me when I tell you there’s nothing worse than getting a blow job from someone whose heart just isn’t in it.
~ Triple Overtime Sex- Sex that seems like it will never end. As a good friend of mine so eloquently put it- “You ain’t gon just be fuckin me all day.”
I’d always hear women complain about ‘one minute men’, so I figured that lasting for an hour would make me the man. But I found out that women (and later on most bottoms) don’t appreciate when you go so long that you turn their hole into the Lincoln tunnel. Triple Overtime Sex Defiantly demands the use of a “Wrap It Up” sign.
~ Grenade Sex- Take one for the team sex.
Your homeboy is cozying up to a dime, but he needs you to run interference on one of the dime’s less-than-stellar friends. It’s a dreadful day when you hear the words "Come on man, take one for the team and jump on the grenade"
~ “Maybe I should’ve seen your papers before we did this” sex- #dotheymakeantibioticsforthat
~ “I didn’t agree to that” sex- Did he just….?
~ Is That An Ingrown Hair??? sex – You believe them but you watch the bump the whole time. You may even fake some stomach kisses and a hand job in order to get closer to the offending blemish to check it out thoroughly. All in all it’s very distracting from getting yours.
~ Too many rules sex- “We can have sex BUT ”:
Dont touch _____, _____ and ____.
I dont do ____,____,and ____.
Dont ___,____ and ____.
You should only be allowed 2 REASONABLE rules. More than three and you gotta go.
~ I want to fuck and they want to be romantic sex– This is self explanatory. The two just dont mix.
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