ALL THAT GLITTERS ISN'T GOLD

EDITOR | CHIEF TOY COUTURE 4 COMMENTS






Is it harder to find good ass or good dick??? This one question turned a living room of united friends into divided parties because no one could agree.  Let me tell you what happened:

I was recently dating a guy whom all my friends really liked.  He was one of the sexiest guys I’d met in a while. He had beautiful mocah skin that looked as if it had been kissd by the sun. A muscular build that was chiseled to perfection, almond shaped brown eyes, beautfiul teeth and a colgate smile. He was intelligent, versed in current affairs, able to hold a coversation and had a good job. And I was definantly sure I had hit the jackpot when he told me he didn’t have sex with anyone unless they dated atleast a month.  I was in love …….for exactly 31 days...thats when we had sex and I realized his ass had no grip to it whatsoever. It was like humping air.
When I arrived at the dinner party alone they asked where he was and I told my distraught tale of the horrible sex. Dude had passed all the core classes and was about to graduate but couldn’t get the diploma because of one extra curricular class that he failed miserably, with a big fat "F".  Bad sex was the deal breaker. Yea he passed in all other areas but if the sex isn’t there whats the point? We might as well just be friends. The only difference between my bestfriend and my lover is I have sex with my lover. 


“It’s so hard to find good ass.” I said.  The tops in the room agreed. The bottoms on the other hand looked mortified and felt some kind of way about my statement. And the daggers began to fly:

Nick:  “If a bottom gives you “grade C” ass maybe its because he’s not turned on, or you have a little dick, or he got no foreplay, or you just aint doin it right.”

Tony:  “You need to consider the type of pen stroking the paper. The thickness, length, curve, ability & agility,etc. Plenty of dudes think and believe they have Grade "A" dick when they have 'F'- dick..”

Cobie:  "Sex is best when students of like performance and skill set are matched accordingly."A" students don’t mix with "C" students therefore "C" grade penis should not be looking for grade "A" ass. Tops need to stay in they grade range!!!"

Brian: “Well I do whats needed to keep my shyt tight so I aint worried. I get straight A's. But I think it could all just amount to the chemistry."

Nick: “If a bottom squeezes his ass long enough you will cum and let me assure you as a versatile man who likes dick and ass it’s harder to find good dick!”

Now people, my personal opinion means nothing outside of this web browser, however without a doubt I can promise it’s harder to find good ass. Hear me out. …Although every dick is different in size and shape, ANY dick will do the job because It’s all about the guys stroke and rhythm. On the other hand any bottom can make a man cum, but “good ass” is a combination of things including and most importantly grip which is totally out of a bottoms hands. When it’s barely there or gone, its gone. Its a wrap and he a wrap.

What do you think? Are you making the grade? Is it harder to find good ass or good dick?


PUSSY MANAGER

EDITOR | CHIEF TOY COUTURE 6 COMMENTS




Anybody that is getting penetrated should not be broke. Point. Blank. Period. If you get fucked and you’re broke that means you’re not doing something right. You’re one of the many who require guidance. If I was your personal friend I’d help you. An ass manager or pussy manager is what you direly need.
 .

DIRTY LOVE

EDITOR | CHIEF TOY COUTURE 17 COMMENTS




As a recovering slut I’ve acquired sexual knowledge that it takes most people a lifetime to obtain. Therefore my sexual urges no longer control me. As much as I’m attracted to you I’m still likely to turn down your sexual proposition. All sex isn’t good sex.

~ Outdoor Sex- Knowing that anyone can see you at any moment adds to the thrill but for the most part outdoor sex is a terrible idea. Especially when you end up with mosquito bites in places that can’t easily be scratched.

~ Half-Hearted Sex-
This is when one of the parties doesn’t really want to do it but does it anyway. Believe me when I tell you there’s nothing worse than getting a blow job from someone whose heart just isn’t in it.

~ Triple Overtime Sex- Sex that seems like it will never end. As a good friend of mine so eloquently put it- “You ain’t gon just be fuckin me all day.”
I’d always hear women complain about ‘one minute men’, so I figured that lasting for an hour would make me the man. But I found out that women (and later on most bottoms) don’t appreciate when you go so long that you turn their hole into the Lincoln tunnel. Triple Overtime Sex Defiantly demands the use of a “Wrap It Up” sign.

DESIGNER DICK

EDITOR | CHIEF TOY COUTURE 33 COMMENTS



 
Everybody wants good dick. Bottoms want to fuck it and Tops want to have it. Dick is a beautiful thing. Especially if you fuck around and get you some Designer Dick. I’ve seen sane and sensible people do insane and irrational things all because of some good dick. If you’ve never had a ‘choice’ piece of meat then God bless your heart cuz you’ll be satisfied with any ol’ thing.

Like a designer bag or a couture gown, designer dick is all about quality. It feels good, its visually pleasing to the eye, it lasts longer than the average piece and its in limited supply. Its timeless; able to be appreciated by the young and the old. Designer Dick will have you Dicknotized, meaning putting up with a whole lot of crap just because the dick is good.

The taste of it invokes the insatiable whore in you. The fit is perfection. You fall in love because it’s consistent, you always know what you’re going to get. That’s luxury at it’s best….Some guys know how to work it but don’t have good dick. Some guys have an above average size cock but don’t have good dick. It's not his length or his width or any one thing in particular.

The B.I.B.L.E

EDITOR | CHIEF TOY COUTURE 30 COMMENTS



I have a loose friend. I’ll call him Lucy. Recently while he, I and a group of friends where out he asked if anybody knew of a way he could keep his ass hole tight. And with that one question came an hour discussion. He got all kinds of advice. Someone said douche with vinegar, another person said soak in a hot sea salt bath, another friend said ‘work out more and increase your squats‘..Someone else said clench your butt cheeks through out the day. Another person said something about a product called China Star shrink cream. I heard so many odd remedies I was all of sure someone would soon say ‘Brusell sprouts & ketchup!” or “Grated Parmesan Cheese”

If someone were looking at us from a distance they would have thought we were trying to crack the Da Vinci Code. By the end of the conversation he looked even more confused so I know he didn‘t take anything away from the convo……I find the answer to be quite simple: STOP JUMPING ON EVERY BIG DICK YOU SEE…or perhaps give your ass a Spring Break.

Read the B.I.B.L.E - Bottom’s Instructions Before Letting Enter :

Pick, Choose, & Refuse….. instead of…… Dick, Booze, & Abuse
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